My Horrible Revelation!

 I do not read enough! 

There was a time when I would read veraciously and finish books in no time at all but that has not been the case the last little while. . . the question is why? 

 I have been asking myself that the last week or so. I have LOTS of books, I certainly have time and I have a couple of comfy reading chairs. The problem is that as I have become more isolated I have also become a bit of a couch potato (I think it may be hereditary),  I have no one to talk to about the books and my eyes are not as good as they used to be. These are all really good excuses...problem is that an excuse is simply 'a reason put forward to defend or justify a fault' and therefore by the very definition not a valid reason at all! 

The bottom line is that somewhere along the line I lost some of my passion and it is time to get it back so my friends, reading is at the top of my list!!

This month I commit to reading more... I have 87 books on my "to read" list showing that I have good intentions (you know what they say about that).  I do however  have 5 particular books beside my chair and I intend to finish this month so if you are reading along with this please be sure to keep my accountable!

What is going to be my why??

It has been so long since I have blogged that I had to  take some time to remember my password!! 2020 was a tough year for everyone with the pandemic....but 2021 has been even harder for me. I have had a hard time re-starting. 

I read somewhere this week that you can lose your passion when you lose your why? If I were honest I think I lost my 'why' many moons ago. Over the past few years I have strictly focused on being a good grandma and paying the bills...I guess it has caused some confusion as to what my other passions truly are at this time of my life. 

So it is time to come up with some new whys. . . 

I am sure once I have come up with them I will be able to regain some of the passions I have missed during the past few years....maybe the pandemic was good for something after all!

~I love words~

Words make me happy. . . artfully strung together they tell a story whether enchanting or heart stopping, they give instruction, they can be sung to evoke happiness or sadness, they can be encouraging or devastating but regardless of their use they always have effect. This year the word I chose to fix my attention on is effectual...to lose the 'multi task' mentality and concentrate on being effectual in certain areas of my life that require focus.

Coming up with my word of the year is always a process that takes some time as I whittle down thoughts and ideas. This year I saw a recurring theme, areas that needed some work and it was not long before I  realized that I simply need to 'knuckle down' as my Gramps used to say and get to the business of creating new habits, ones that would impact my life in positive ways.

I said I would sit down and come up with five areas that needed attention, I have generalized them for now.  Each one has a story for me, a story that needs to be written down, a story that needs a bit of editing in order to make it better. Over the next few months I will try to identify some  of the problem habits and why I do them before committing to replace them with better habits. Here are some of the things I came up with over a good cup of coffee!

1. Physical Health
     ~I started working on this one by NOT eating after 8pm, I think I did it mostly out of boredom (or loneliness) so I have started a crochet project to pick up instead of heading to the fridge...my first baby step!

2. Mental Health/Self Care
     ~This one requires a bit more thought as to steps that will be sustainable...I have ideas!

3. Spiritual Health
     ~Signed up for a morning app that I can delve into before I get out of bed...it is a start!

4. Social Interaction
     ~Committing to reconnecting with friends and making time to go for coffee or share a meal... I have made a few friend dates already!

5. Simple Joys
     ~my babies provide a lot of joy and for that I am grateful however I am hoping to add a few things that are just for me...perhaps a painting class is in my future?

Each of the above are small steps towards producing the desired effect of making positive changes and I cannot wait to see what can be accomplished as I move toward a happier and more fulfilling existence. Thanks for joining the journey

And just like that the dial changes...

I can hardly be it is the end of another decade...it was not long ago that I was a young adult and Prince was singing "party like it's 1999" .

 Amazing how time seems to go faster as I grow older...sigh!

When I look at the last 10 years I am horrified to see that more than half of them were very difficult. That said I am grateful for the glimpses of wonder that were present during this time. While I have had heartache I have also had joy. While I have cried I have also laughed. While I have had to say goodbye to treasured loved ones I have also been able to embrace new beloved ones. While my health has threatened me I have also been blessed to heal and watch my babies grow.

As we embark on the new year I have decided that 'effectual' will be my word of 2020...there are many reasons for this word and over the upcoming weeks I will try to articulate why this was chosen. Tomorrow while I sit in my comfy chair with a coffee and Bailey's I shall start to chart the five things that I want to change in the upcoming months....whatever they are I hope to be effectual in the planning.

A Melancholy Moment

Well apparently I suck at blogging consistently!
 Life is always seems to be a wee bit insane and get in the way.

My year was supposed to be about me learning to take time for myself and replenish but I have not succeeded. . .  thank goodness the year is not over yet! Unfortunately I think that I have become a master of checking out, sometimes that is the easiest solution and since life has been difficult for many years I am all about finding easy.

Although I have thought about my list to motivate myself,  I have been unable to make it actually happen.  It often surprises me how quickly time can pass without having done much other than survive. It is important to note that I am very grateful for my babies, without them I am not sure there would be any real happiness in my world. Busy is not only a problem in my life but in that of my friends making it hard to connect, the harder it is to find time the easier it is to check out....and there in lies part of my dilemma.

 So what can I do to replenish my soul in the way I feel I need? How do I learn to make time that is valuable? What needs to change in order for me to fully enjoy life?

I suppose that only I have the answer to those questions but right now I feel as though I have misplaced my keys...I know they are there I simply cannot put my finger on them right now.